


Faraday cage in the microwave

by Dodo



Series: Animal AUs no one asked for [5]
Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Excitation, M/M, colonel kernel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 19:02:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17772467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dodo/pseuds/Dodo
Summary: Steve and Tony meet by chance in the bag of orville's light butter popcorn.





	Faraday cage in the microwave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [peppypear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peppypear/gifts).



> For peppypear who showed me the wonders of food relationships, the brevity of life in the bonds of food.

Life in the orville ready to pop bag was cramped, dark, and slippery. Many kernels bumped against each other never really knowing each other and continuing on their way as they tried to make do with their lives. The odd grain substance that coated them was proudly proclaimed as ‘Movie butter’ on the side of the box and bag. 

Life was okay inside Steve had Bucky and he was fine for the most part. Though it was kind of lonely when Bucky would leave to hang out with his buddies; mostly Sam though. Steve couldn’t begrudge Bucky time with his boy friend, so he tended to not show up when Bucky invited him, that and he felt like he really didn’t belong. Bucky’s boyfriend and his friends were all pretty buff kernels and Steve was kind of on the smaller size for a kernel. He was often mistaken for a child, which was unfortunate.

He would explore the bag and be pushed around by the other kernel. Occasionally he’d run into Peter who was much younger than Steve but about the same size. Which was nice but they had very different mentalities and Steve often wondered if Peter thought he was a fuddy duddy for being so risk averse. Today he could not find Peter in the milling masses of kernel central. 

He’d wandered into a corner of the bag, corners were considered prime real estate and only for the rich and famous kernels. Little pockets of heaven that the masses were kept out of. Steve tried to turn back into the milling mass of kernels but found himself blocked off and unable to insert himself back into the flow.

Scared that he might get pummeled by the security of the corner he tried his best to obscure his presence by hiding behind a bigger kernel. He’d heard stories mostly from Peter’s rambunctious friend Wayde about the kernel corner bouncers. They could remove the the outer covering of a kernel, rip the pericarp right off. Wayde’s pericarp was in terrible shape it was flaking and torn in a few spots and the common belief was that was why wayde was so odd.

Steve shook, he wanted to go back home with bucky, but as the bigger kernel moved into the corner farther Steve found himself following. Curious but also confused that the larger kernel had not noticed him, he followed along into the inner pocket where he saw some of the prettiest kernels. There was a nice amber colored one with hues closer to red, thats is where the larger kernel went to settling next to the red one.

Steve looked at the next kernel a darker color holding the rank of colonel so that was the fabled kernel colonel. Steve wanted to shrink into the butter grains, if he was found out he’d be stripped of his skin and probably kicked from the bag. He was too busy trying to will himself to disappear when he bumped into one of the socialite kernels.

The kernel turned and steve could see stars shining around him, it was a tan looking kernel with glossy pericarp. Steve managed to squeak and turn around as if hiding his face would obscure the fact that he didn’t belong in the corner. He was aware that the other kernels were surrounding him.

“Hey, are you Steve? Peter talks about you all the time… Hey are you okay?”  
The tan kernel bumped gently into Steve trying to get Steve to respond.  
“I’m so sorry i’m in your corner please don’t take my skin off I’ll leave!”

“Hey! This is exactly the stuff I’ve been talking about Tony.”  
The darker kernel the colonel kernel pushed tony away from Steve.  
“The rest of the kernels think you all in the corners are petty rich assholes. Regardless of what your do. You need to mingle.”  
The colonel was full on lecturing, Tony and Steve felt that the colonel kernel was a bit salty about the whole corner thing.

“Fone I’ll go out around the bag, Steve will you be my guide?”  
Steve nodded still a bit caught up in the natural sheen of the tan kernel’s pericarp. So now he was the guide to the richest kernel in the bag, and a lot of the milling and busy bodies actually parted for them as they traveled around the bag.

Steve brought Tony back to the corner at the end of the day, which was just Steve jabbering about the parts of the bag he liked. Describing the area of the fold he and bucky lived at, how he knew all his neighbors and how they came together during hardships.

It had been a good day Tony had seemed very interested and when they bumped into each other as they moved around nothing had happened. No skin stripping, if anything Tony seemed really interested in Steve’s opinion, and the other never treated Steve like a child kernel which was refreshing.

The whole bag shifted and there was a sudden breeze was infiltrating the bag. Rhodey the colonel kernel moved forward and vanished in the suddenly still kernel masses.  
“Alright! This is the day we’ve all been waiting for! We do this as a community together as one!”

The ground of the bag vibrated and there was the sensation of moving, but none of them were moving. Tony leaned into Steve, pressing a chaste kiss to Steve’s side.  
“Were going to be popped, I wanted more time with you Steve. Today was amazing.”

“Oh, So did I. Tony!”  
Steve pressed against tony as the bag started to heat up, somewhere within the depths of the bag the first pop was heard which started everyone else. There was excitement every where, Steve wondered how Bucky was fairing with Sam. He stood tall waiting for his time to pop.

His body vibrated and thrummed with heat, next to him Tony was also vibrating. They seemed to be on the same wavelength juddering against each other in sync. Steve felt the heat and warmth consume his body.  
“Tony, I’m going to!!”

Steve exploded with passion his pericarp splitting beautifully and curling up under him. His endosperm had exploded into white fluffy flesh. Next to him, Tony exploded groaning Steve’s name as his darker endosperm blossomed around him. Gosh they were so pretty together, resting against each other’s soft fluffy bodies as the popping soon faded. 

They rested quietly at the back of the bag stuck up against the side. Tony huffed and leaned against Steve’s robust white body they were stuck together by their split pericarps, that were hooked together. Stuck to the bag by the grainy ‘movie butter’. Exchanging soft pleasantries as they experienced the post popping blitz.

There was new air flow and the newly popped citizens of the bag were shuffled out into a new world. Steve saw it was a bowl, but they were stuck. Tony didn’t seem to mind so Steve didn’t either. There was more room in the bag now, he spotted the colonel kernel a bit burnt hanging out in one of the former fold regions.

Clint’s massive head appeared at the bag opening.  
“Awe many some of it is burnt!”  
It was true besides Tony and Steve, some of the others were in various states of extra toasty. There was Bucky with his burnt pericarps, missing some of his fluff too. Steve felt his heart go out to his buddy, though Sam was still there also a bit burnt so that was good. Peter had not popped at all and was rolling around with a half popped kernel at the base of the bag.

The bag experienced a brief weightlessness and then into the trash it settled. Then once more the light was gone, though it didn’t matter. Steve was with his friends, and the love of his life and that made everything else bearable. 

 

-

Steve woke up to sticky underwear, what a bizarre dream. He opened one eye to look at Tony snuggling up to Steve’s pillow. Deciding he would not be asking the alchemist to make them popcorn kernels for their next round of sexy funtimes as an animal. No, he was pretty sure kernels weren’t animals either.

He smiled recalling Rhodey the kernel colonel being so salty about things, his subconscious was clearly pulling one over on Steve and he didn’t mind it to much. He wasn’t going to share this dream, he decided as he rolled closer to Tony. Pulling off his damp undies off and spooning Tony. That had been a very silly but good dream. Steve nuzzled Tony’s neck catching a faint scent of popcorn as he drifted back to sleep.


End file.
